07.31.2009 A Difficult Day

It's taken me a long time to share. I was ashamed. I was in denial. I was afraid. Not now. I am more in awe. I don't always share my faith on my blog. Mainly because I'm not the strongest in my walk. I am very small. And my God is a very big God. I often feel unworthy of the love I receive. I'm not very good at sharing my faith with other easily. I have trouble taking my private faith in public.

Every once in a while, he gets my attention. He shows me His love and mercy in ways i could never imagine. Today was that day.

You see, we were losing our house. Last fall/winter was AWFUL. We couldn't make our payments. We struggled. We got so far behind we couldn't catch up. We tried to no avail all the "options" for us (and many others who are struggling) in this economy. Things started to pick up in early summer but we got our notice in April. Our sale date was August 3rd. I knew we would lose our home. I tried all the "earthly" things to save it. Paid a modification company to help us...turns out they really couldn't. My lender wouldn't deal. It's just a house - i thought i was prepared to let it go. But when the call came that Friday Morning before the sale the following Monday telling me they wouldn't budge the reality of having to be out of my house 10 days later was too much for me to bear. I lost it. I couldn't stop sobbing. It was too much. I was overwhelmed. I was broken. My modification company told me my only option was to file an emergency Bankruptcy. It was over a 2 1/2 hour drive to the only courthouse in Montana where we could do it. We drove. He drove - because i couldn't see straight. I was beside myself. Then what? Then we do a repayment plan. The bank HAS TO let me keep my house. But we can't afford it. Even with the job i started in mid-April it isn't enough. There have been no rental properties that will take us and 2 dogs and 2 cats. Throughout the long drive - on my laptop - i searched for houses. Houses where there was owner financing. Houses we could afford. All the way up, lots of houses, all outside affordability for us. Filed the paperwork. $275.00 later i have a piece of paper that lets me keep my house. But we still can't afford it. It just buys us time. It's a long drive home. The tears have stopped but i am no closer to relief. I've searched the entire MLS and there are 2 "maybe's" out of 200+ listings. They are small. They are old. But they are shelter. I am about to give up, I type in an impossible price range (one we can afford but there aren't any in that range). I pick all the wants. I type in our city (bcuz we'd like to stay in this small town). I type 4 bedrooms+. I type 2 bathrooms. I type in over 2000 sq. feet. (It's my dream...let me live it) I wait. I close my eyes, they sting from all the crying this day. The laptop is hot on my lap from being on the last 4+ hours. The cell phone acting as a modem has only 1 bar left before it goes dead. The cell coverage is bad. I open my eyes. There is ONE listing that fits all that criterea. Just one. Seriously?! I am speechless. I start rambling. It needs work. IT'S ON 5 ACRES! It's 3618 sq. feet. (About the same size as our house now-1800 upstairs-1800 basement) Is this a dream? Maybe it's a typo. It is surely miss priced, missing a zero or perhaps they meant $334,900 instead. Could this be? It can and it was. We drove by it that night coming back from the Bankruptcy court. It is NOT pretty. It needs MUCH work. But we can AFFORD it. For less than we would have paid for rent, we can AFFORD this.

You can say what you want. What i know is this. In my darkest hour my God was there. Carrying me. At my lowest point in a very long time, he showed me his mercy. The impossible was shown to be possible. A life preserver was thrown in to save me from drowning in despair. An impossible gift was laid out before me. I do not deserve it.

The next few days were a whirlwind. We visited often this gift. We had dreams and made plans. Our offer was declined, we could not get a loan in the condition this house was in. Only an investor with cash could buy this house. There were multiple offers. I still never gave up hope. My God is a BIG God and i knew if i was meant to receive this gift i would. All things happen for a reason. An investor showed up. Out of the blue some might say. I don't. I know none of this was happenstance. Offers were made, accepted, and we closed on 8/21/2009. Praise be to God. He made this happen. He knows my needs before i ask. He is the great Provider. He is my rock. And i am shouting to all who will listen...no longer hiding my faith behind closed doors.....MY GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!