Some incredible things are going on for me right now. I guess i would like to say i am seeing the "light" beyond the darkness i have been trapped in for so long.
I always wish i had time to blog, to read blogs, to catch things all up with my family. But my life moves fast with 1 crisis at a time. Depression makes even the happiest people turn into people that can't break free from a negative perspective. No matter our faith, no matter our support system, regardless of how much we just want to "snap out of it"....happiness for me and the person i once was sometimes seems just outside of reach.
I was driving the other day, last week i think, listening to my Praise music on my local SOS Radio station and a song came on. I was kind of fixed on it. The sounds in the car just seemed to fade away and the words just spoke to that place in my heart that has been broken and wanting so bad for healing. It was so pretty but i had never heard it before...i made a "mental note" of the singer and hoped i could go and add it to my blog as background music maybe and get it on itunes for my computer/ipod eventually. Then i went about the rest of my day.
The funniest thing is - for the past (...i don't know maybe year or two) i have SERIOUS issues remembering ANYTHING. Now i can remember every.single.lyric from a song 20-30 years ago....but the fact is i can't make "new" memories. I can't remember appointments, how do to something once shown, peoples names (not like i could before LOL) right after i meet them, what i did 2 days ago, or the day of the week. Sometimes it is important stuff, sometimes it doesn't matter. It is frustrating and part of being "sick" that i have to deal with.
Once upon a time i had a near photographic memory. In business i could read or write or look at something and commit every single detail to memory. It was great and helped me get far bcuz - like an elephant - i wouldn't forget and could be a fountain of knowledge for the details. These days i couldn't remember a detail to save my life. If my kid was abducted i couldn't tell you what they were wearing even though i dressed them this morning, and it was only 2 hours ago. Frustration! Can i just say that "mental note" was lost no matter how much i have tried to recall it!!
So wouldn't you know...the song eluded me. But God makes a way! Do you know i used to spend 2-3 hrs a day reading blogs, posting, researching recipes, etc. on the internet?! But these days the blogs i "follow" i am lucky to check once a week or even much less often. But this morning, like a drop of sunshine i had a few minutes and popped on over to
Kelly's blog and THERE IT WAS!!! My song. (Well not MINE, but THE song i wanted so much to hear!) So pop over and listen to it...cuz i CAN'T REMEMBER how to get the video on here!! I am serious!
YAY! And can i tell you....some songs just capture EXACTLY how you feel. And through all the pain and all the disappointment and hurt...i am thankful each day for God's BLESSINGS!!! If we have to go through painful times, trials, think of how much we look to God and rely on him in those times of suffering. Maybe not so much when things are always great? So if we have to go through some storms to get right with God...well we do! And I will!!!
