11.23.2010 Neglectful

I am so sorry my dear readers (all 4 of you LOL) for my neglect of the blog over the last few months. Still Homeschooling the Diva, Working on the House, and continuing to unpack boxes and clean out our "clutter".

But the exciting part was Hubby had work again in California. So we left 8 days ago (2days to get here, then 2 days back by car). We left right in time. You see... *grin* the COLD *burrrr* weather came in...then the snow....ice. More cold. *big grin*. Though i would have loved to frolick in the 1st real snow of the season - California has a gravitational pull on me. The ocean beckons me. As often as i can, i answer the call. So here i sit. I am sure yoou all know my struggles with the big "D". (depression)It ebbs and flows like the tide- but mostly ebbs. Newest meds are keeping it pretty well "managed" but the 30lbs of weight gain seem to negate any of the other benefits. *smirk* California is my happy place. It helps me when the depression is winning the tug-of-war.

Case in point

It rained (and by rain i mean drizzled or annoyed - not real rain) while we were here. It didn't stop us much. My first glimpse of the beach as i drove in to see my sisters/mom last week was awe inspiring. It was a typical day with coastal fog covering the sun...but in the distance rays of sunlight shone down onto the ocean where the fog parted just enough to let it through. All around for miles was fog and gray and right where i looked there was the smallest peek of sun.

IT WAS ME.

That is my life!

I felt the most incredible peace. I know in my heart it was my reminder from the Lord - a "God Breeze" if you will. It washed over me like a flood. I was home. All was good. My life regardless of geography or circumstances was just like what i was watching. The ray beaming from those clouds was hope. My light in the darkness. My relationship with Him. So i clung to that, with the biggest smile on my face...this place is good for my soul. But a picture will do as well. I am visual after all so my struggles seem to continue. So i took quite a few pictures. More importantly i tried to burn that image into my heart and soul.

My friends back home are braving the cold snap and the 6 inches of snow we got overnight today. After my brief recharge i am ready to brave that too i suppose. At least i have HOPE.

The kids had a BLAST with their cousins. My sister taught me some great digital scrapbooking techniques i am going to try once we are home. It was a Bittersweet visit. I got to see 2 of my sisters, the kids played and visited with their 2 baby cousins, and we saw Grandma (briefly). We visited at my moms for about an hour and a half. She sat up for about 5-10 min of that visit. She was not herself. She was in pain and uncomfortable.

My mom is not doing very well. Long story short mom had a routine surgery a few months ago for a hernia. It was botched basically. Fluid built up around that area that had to be constantly drained. Then the other mystery symptoms started occuring. Since then she has had a myriad of problems that are all puzzling. Now she is in full kidney failure. As i types this she is here too in the Bay Area of California seeing a transplant specialist in San Francisco with my sisters. It seems ineveitable. This is the question and answer meeting...what are the next steps? My one sis (married w/ 2 little ones) is the exact blood type match. My other sis is "O" the universal donor. I am opposite of my mom. So now i just watch from a distance (figuratively and literally) to see what happens next.

The clouds (and fog) cover the sun. But there are always "rays" trying to break through the cloud cover. Looking for their opening. It's HOPE. Our reminder to "Look up" and "Look to Him". I will cling to that HOPE.

And try to be less Neglectful! Love to you all. Stay warm and safe wherever you are. Don't foget to Look Up every once in a while. You never know what you'll see!



p.s. i promise to post some great pics when i get home & settled.