03.29.2009 Sunday Night Stuff...i should b sleeping!

Ok, shhhh, don't tell hubby. I should be sleeping, it's almost, well, Monday! I wanted to post real quick to say all is well in camera land-i should have pics to post soon. But to be honest, my heart is heavy. One of the blogs i follow (McMamma) last updated Stellan is not doing so well and his SVT is not subsiding. Another blog i follow lnked me to another family who is trapped in another state so far from home & their other little one due to pre-term complications and she is barely as far along as my own sis was. And as i sit and marvel at my little niece and all her baby tricks -oh but wait-there was supposed to be 2 nieces, i can't help but feel a bit melancholy. It's gonna be a long night with God i am sure of it. Oh, but i am sure he never tires of hearing from me and my A.D.D. conversations. But there was a good (and rather pointed) sermon today at church about just that. What kinds of conversations/prayers (and how often) are we having with God and are we doing Gods will and living out his plan for us? Sometimes i am just not sure if I am doing His will and heading down the right path or trying too hard to be OF this world and making my own path. And since i think that way i must really not be doing His will for me, right? I constantly wonder why i am not using "my gifts" for His glory. How do i? How to i get plugged in to the right place to use my gifts? Some days i am not even sure what they are any more. Depression and it's many manifestations only serve to leave me more confused..as if i lose little peices of me each day, and i wake up one day going "where am I? What happened to ME? This is not who i am, nor who i wanted to be! How do i get back to ME?" Other days i absolutely know. So what's a girl to do? I PRAY. I pray and i know. I know my purpose, i know HIS will, i know i move on and keep showing my kids HIS love and HIS grace and HIS plan for each of us. And everytime my little warriors pray for someone they don't even know...well then i feel i must be doing at least 1 thing right. So this post is for Stellan, and for Gaines, and for all the families that are hurting right now. Let me, and my family intercede on your behalf, and pray the fervent prayers. Sit back and know that God is the one in control, and our destiny is decided. That all we go through is simply Gods will for us. I know it doesn't always make the hard stuff easier to go through...but those standing on solid ground with God in their hearts can get through anything. And tonite, I will PRAY!