02.02.2011 Wednesday

The last 2 days are kinda a blur so i will do my best here. I had a productive weekend which was good. Monday i went to see my doc (who i love) because the depression is oh so much worse most days i dont want to get out of bed and i've been physically ill both with nausea and body aches that i know are not some kind of flu. Long story short we doubled my current meds (which i was already doing about the time i left for CA when mom was in the hospital) and we added yet another medication. So i take 2 in the morning (since i had just gotten my new 90 day supply) and 1 of the new meds at night (praise the lord the new med doesnt have weight gain as a side affect!). I have also been using my therapy light each morning. After a week i haven't noticed a huge difference with the light bu i do have a slight better energy level immediately afterwards. I generally read my email, check all the blogs i follow while it sits and does its magic facing me on my desk for 30 min. Sometimes i go 45 if there is alot to do at my desk. It could take a few more days but it is supposed to be really good for me and my doctor was like...finally!

I also talked to her about something DeRell found out about from a close friend whos wife and daughter were treated. They were treated with Neurofeedback but here is also a less invasive procedure called CBT that they try first. If you are interested, CBT is this. Or Neurofeedback is the more clinical approach. They are 2 different techniques, CBT is just therapy sessions teaching you to take your negative emotions and turn them into happy thoughts. Neurofeedback is actually getting an EEG to see where the chemical imbalance is and training those areas in your brain to respond positively. Initially it was very scary to even think about, and i said NO WAY based on the cost (which btw is in the thousands - plural) Our family has no health insurance (due to cost - and now pre-existing conditions) but health insurance doesn't cover any of this type of treatment anyway besides the initial visit. My doctor had referred many patients to this Dr. in Missoula that does the Neurofeedback - but typically for different afflictions, not for Depression - as she said the cost was typically not an option for most patients (us included). Mainstream medicine is all about MEDICATION, MEDICATION, MEDICATION. Which i am all for, except everything i try works for a little while then stops. Its a Merry-Go-Round i am not particularly fond of. I also started reading this book that i shared with my Doctor that talked about different natural options to be used in addition to medication and actually allowed patients to get off (or significantly reduce) their medication. She was all for everything in the book. So i have ordered some supplements and will be trying some of those methods.

The scary thing is it happened again today. I woke up at 6am, got the kids all ready for school and out the door by 7:40...then guess what? I went back to bed. I just can't face the day (..yet!) and slept until 1pm. Its awful! I would have slept longer..so i am thankful Jim was home and watching an action movie in the Theater Room below me (remember how the ceiling is not well insulated?) so i awoke to what i thought was banging on the front door. After about a half hour of telling myself "who cares who is at the door" and lulling myself back to sleep. So it is now 2:30pm and i am still in my pajamas, unshowered, and my house is a mess. I am a little desperate for something, make that anything, to make me "all better".

On a different note Bubba was home from school yesterday as he had a fever Monday night. That made for an unproductive day yesterday as well.

Sis had her 2nd violin lesson and she is rockin it!!! She had all the previous "homework" down and learned 3 new songs which she is doing well at already. I tell you, that girl is a musical prodigy. First the piano, now the violin. It's not like she is playing Mozart yet, but she hears the notes, can recognize them and play them back. We listed to the CD that came with her new book last night and i was nearly in tears at the thought of her being able to play such a beautiful instrument. Of course she wants to play the Cello - but we said violin first..a Cello is as big (or bigger) than she is right now!! She loves her violin so she is going to work and master that, then next year maybe we'll look at trying the Cello. I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that she can play by ear. She can close her eyes, hear the music, and know what key is being played. It was the same with the piano, which has ALOT more keys. I am so very proud of her and hope she sticks with it!

After lessons we got the call that the guy who's horses we are keeping is too sick to come feed them this week. (Not to mention they were out of hay...hmmmm?!) So i had to go to the feed store and get a bale of hay and then come home and feed them. Which wouldn't have been a big deal except it was literally -10 degrees at 6pm last night and i was a bit miffed to be out in that kind of cold. I can't wait until we have a barn. No feeding in those temperatures again!

So we fed them, watered em and i watched some tv then went to bed. By 9 o'clock. And slept till 1pm today. UGGGGH. Oh well, i'm awake now. If i can just pull out the motivation to actually DO something it will be a win. My little car only can hold one bale though, so i am not looking forward to heading to town again tonite just for 1 stinking bale of hay. Time to get another ton delivered - at our expense. Yay.

So i am off to shower and face the day. I've got the Lord on my side so i know it will be fine. Your prayers are appreciated. Oh speaking of prayers, there is another family that could really use your prayers right now. I learned of them today thru Jed's mom (right to the left thereon the sidebar - remember Jedidiah that had Rhabdo cancer?) Well they know someone else who has the same aggresive cancer and they could really use your prayers. You can click on the button for Jed's site to see her beautiful face or go right to her family's blog here. Come on prayer warriors!