08.18.2010 SCHOOL

The date was set, the children bugged me - "Is it time to start school yet?" "Is it time to start school yet?" We played an imaginary game of "school", talked about the things we want in our classroom, but that is as far as we got. Truth be told, i have a ridiculous idea of what our "school" will be like i suppose. Organized. All the "boards" and "centers" set up...like a REAL school. All this to satisfy my insecurities...because lets face it....any mom who has ever stood where i am standing wonders "Will i be good enough?" Can i teach my children the way the school would have taught them? What can i do better? Will i be a complete failure and mess them up or make them behind? Then i realize that is just Satan playing on my insecurities. I'm a first timer - so a novice at the whole idea of Homeschool. I'm not quite sure what i want ours to look like, or how it will turn out.

One thing i do know though. I have the faith to do it regardless of the nagging fears because i know the Lord has called me to do this. Regardless of the friends or family that may be unsure we are "doing the right thing" - i know in my heart that we are. But then i let my insecurity and fear creep in and steal my JOY. This is about my kids. About my family. About knowing what is best for them, how they learn, and making the best experience possible for them and our family. The truth is that the people that do it for all the reasons we will be doing it, trust in the Lord, as i should be, and succeed. They have school on the Kitchen table with no set curriculum and succeed. Their children learn, and even thrive.

I can do this! As Mother Teresa once said : "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle, I just wish that He didn't trust me so much". Isn't that the truth?!

Did i get a fancy curriculum and go overboard trying to do "all the right things"? Yes, i did. In the end though what i really hope to achieve i have written down in a binder about my goals for this year. Not one of them is to have the smartest kid or a 6 year old doing Long Division. So i am attempting to forge ahead and not let anything stand in the way of our joy.

Unfortunately (and again, if we are telling the truth here.."fortunately" for my type A personality) our employee had an emergency (her husband had to have emergency triple bypass surgery) so i had an excuse not to start on Monday since i would be working in our store until he was stable enough for her to come back. This gave me a few more days to get the class "just right". I was totally relieved! I wasn't "ready" ...everything wasn't "perfect" for their 1st day experience so i let out a big sigh and said next Monday. It will be next Monday - if we are ready or not. My kids are ready and it will all fall into place. Whats the worst that can happen? We can do 1st day back to school crafts and not touch a book! Ahhhh the joys of Homeschool. "Regular" school doesnt start for a little over 2 weeks here so we are still ahead! It's Thursday and the boards are not up, there is still bulletin board stuff strewn on the floor. Desks aren't organized. My craft for their wall is not done. But we will be okay. School will start whether all the pieces are in place or not. I trust that i will not fail. I have the support of my Heavenly Father. What could be better?

I try to hold on to this verse:
Dont be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which trancends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I try to remember this above all else:
I am thankful for being able to stay home with my children. Thankful for the opportunity to teach His ways and to grow in His love. I need to be confident that i can be the teacher that He has created me to be. I must be willing to give it over to God when i don't have full confidence and trust in His ability to give me the peace i need to move forward.

I can do this! See you Monday with an update!